I’m not one for social media trends, but a recent one caught my attention. For days, I saw women post a photo with these words over the image: “I met my younger self for coffee today.” The words that followed compared who they were when they were 20 or 30 with who they are today. While I quickly scroll by most trends, these women’s words caused me to pause and reflect, “What would I say to the younger version of myself?”
As a 40-something leader in the church today, I value the knowledge I have gained along the road of experience. There is so much that can’t be taught through a conversation or even in a classroom—it must be lived. And yet, when I think back to the tentative girl I was when I first stepped into my call to lead, I wish I could give her some starting line lessons on being a woman in leadership.
Own your voice.
You won’t sound like others. Yes, because you are a woman, but also, mostly, because you are you. Your voice is distinctly yours, crafted by your own study, your own relationship with Jesus, and your own life experiences. Your voice won’t sound like others. And that’s okay. Your voice is needed. God knew what He was doing when He called you to preach. Just like He called a stutterer to stand before Pharaoh, a shepherd to stand before a giant, and a Jewish woman to stand before King Xerxes, God called you to stand before people and declare His words in your own voice. Don’t try to copy, imitate or adjust to fit into the sounds around you. Own your voice.
Head down. Heart first.
When I first started in ministry, I felt judged carrying the title “female pastor.” Truthfully, I’m not sure how much of that was real and how much was built up in my head, but I had a decision to make in my early years. Would I try to prove myself worthy of the platform of leadership? Or would I put my head down and do what God called me to do: loving the God who called me and the people He called me to? The voices of criticism will always be there, whether they dislike your title, methods or priorities. I’m not saying we dismiss the people who criticize, but I believe we can’t operate under pressure to prove our worth to the critics. Put your head down, tune out the noise of criticism, listen to the voice of the Spirit, and do what God has put in your heart to do.
Community. Not comparison.
Rooms and tables look different now. As a female leader, when I walk into a room and sit with my peers, I generally can find one, if not many, females at the table with me. When I started in full-time ministry, that was not the case. In my early years, I was tentative about joining tables, thinking that because of my gender, age or level of experience, I did not belong. I learned to address my inner opposition by recognizing that, in Scripture, God called leaders of every age, every background, and from both genders. Over the years, I learned that differences around the table are a gift to the community of leadership. We are better when a variety of voices join the conversation. Even in my 40s, I still feel tempted to convince myself I don’t belong. Maybe that lie will always tempt me, but I know now that the best choice is to pull up a seat at the table and prioritize community over comparison.
Know your theology.
I am sorry to say that a woman’s place and authority in the local church is still a debated matter. Perhaps the debate will always exist. As a female leader, I don’t think we win the battle with bravado; I don’t think there even is a battle to win. In my opinion, the matter has been settled in God’s Word. My role is to know what the Bible says and, when asked, to articulate with respect and kindness the doctrine on female leadership that I believe. You won’t win over the debaters with a loud voice. However, knowing what you believe about female leadership from a biblical standpoint gives you confidence to live out your doctrine regardless of the voices who disagree.
Know your calling.
I used to see calling as linear. You follow the path of self-discovery, and upon arrival at the understanding of the call of God, you set up camp in His perfect will. I don’t see it that way anymore. Now, my view is of a winding road with places to pause for a season and places where, like the branches on a tree, you get to choose which direction you will head in. I think as women, natural multi-taskers with a propensity towards care and leadership, mothering and decision-making, vision and details, the call of God is constantly adjusting to the growing gifts and seasons of our lives. Our responsibility as we continue to walk down the winding path is to discern what God is doing and saying and what we feel drawn towards. Can women do it all? No. That is a stereotypical motto that leads to burnout. But we can adjust and acclimatize to the season God has us in and know what we are called to do “for such a time as this” (Esther 4:14).
Say yes.
When I walked the stage at my Bible college graduation and was handed my diploma, our college president looked me in the eye and said, “Tricia, say yes to every opportunity.” I didn’t know the significance of those words in the moment. But a couple of years later, I was asked to go on a mission trip to Uganda, and those words compelled me to face my fears and get on a plane. Saying yes to unexpected invitations and to ministry I never imagined doing was the catalyst to my personal growth as a leader. God doesn’t open doors that you are incapable of, although sometimes it may feel that way. He opens doors that we are capable of with a dependence on the Spirit of God, who enables us for every good work. Say yes. But do so trusting and leaning on Jesus.
If I met my younger self for coffee today, I would say all these things or maybe nothing at all—because the journey of following the voice of the Spirit and living out the call is something to be experienced in the fullness of the moment. Perhaps, with a kind smile, I would tell that young female leader that walking in her purpose will be greater than she can imagine because Jesus is greater. Whatever twists and turns, challenges or criticisms, the role and call of being a leader in the church today is worth it because of Jesus.
Tricia Gibb Lane and her husband, Dave, live in Sarnia, Ont., where she serves as assistant pastor at Bethel Pentecostal Church.
This article appeared in the October/November/December 2025 issue of testimony/Enrich, a quarterly publication of The Pentecostal Assemblies of Canada. © 2025 The Pentecostal Assemblies of Canada.
Home page photo by Dorien Monnens on Unsplash. Photo above by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash.